ECT 2020 may be a virtual event this year on account of, well, 2020, but that doesn’t mean that fuckery isn’t afoot. Tonight was the Loki blót, performed with 30-odd people via Zoom. It was awesome, and E did a wonderful job as always leading the blót (and the Loki vé is gorgeous), but of course, I was not spared my “well, that’s not supposed to happen” moment. Thankfully, because it was on Zoom, no one else knew what was going on in my house. But because I’m without any sense of shame or decency, I’m making it public anyway.

The scene: sitting on my hardwood floor in front of the Sigyn vé I set up for everyone and for the blót I’ll be hosting for her. I invite Sigyn to all Loki events, of course, so her vé was the perfect backdrop for my Zoom square. On the floor in front of me, below the camera range on my laptop, I lined up my offerings. Among other things, I had this aggressively pink liquor thing that my mom bought for me, a fancy pre-made dual flavor shot. Supposed to be a Strawberry Daiquiri/cream something. I also had a can of iced coffee/espresso nonsense for myself because I drink cold coffee nonstop. Work was brutal today, so I was (and currently am) utterly exhausted, my eyes half swollen shut thanks to the horrible fatigue. Icy cold espresso was vital for this evening event because my body was/is insisting on going comatose.

And then there were chili peppers. I usually give Loki sweet and/or savory offerings, but like to bring the heat for bigger events. So I got a bag of dried chili peppers from the Indian/Asian imports section of my local grocer. You know, the good stuff. The really good stuff.

While E said her piece and began the prayers and meat of the blót, I opened the bag of chilies. Rather, I tried to open the bag. I have no idea idea what actually happened, but the damn thing exploded with enough force to knock over the hot pink liquor. All I can say is I’m grateful my mic was on mute at that moment because it was loud. Naturally, I had nothing within reach to mop up the carnage, so I spent the next half hour sitting in a puddle of strawberries and cream and an array of dried chilies, watching the stuff sink into the hardwood and possibly stain it pink.

Sure. Whatever. I still had my can of iced espresso nonsense, so I’d just use that for the toasting and drinking. I’m quick to adapt to things going a little sideways, no big deal, and I knew Loki was enjoying the attention from everyone participating in the blót, so he wouldn’t give a damn about me hailing with my coffee. Except…

With the first sip following the first post-explosion “hail!”, I learned that chili pepper seeds had invaded the coffee. Of course they did. It’s a Loki blót. This is just par for the course as far as these things go.

Y’all, my first blót of ECT 2020 was spent sitting in a pool of sticky hot pink liquor and drinking chili pepper infused espresso from a can while my eyes slowly puffed and swelled from exhaustion and airborne chili dust. This, my friends, is just how Lokians roll. Try not to be too envious of the glamorous life Loki bestows upon me.

That said, it was a great blót, and I’m so proud of everything E has done for Loki in our community. I’m also grateful for all of the hard work by the ECT planning committee to make our first virtual event possible. It’s heartbreaking to sit alone in my house and see everyone in Zoom squares instead of converging at the campgrounds to share horns and adventures, but I’m thrilled to see everyone anyways and there’s still a lot to look forward to in the days to come. But first: sleep, and lots of it.

I just hope my next round of coffee isn’t so spicy.