“Not everyone dies in a battle. Someone has to survive to care for the dead.”

“We’ve fucked with him long enough. He’s yours, and he’s been waiting for you. Go to him.”

“FINALLY! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I’VE WAITED?! ANY CLUE HOW HARD I’VE WORKED? GAAHHHHH! . . . Oh, and Hi.”

“To help you fly.”

I’ve quoted Odhinn and Loki a few times in my writing. Many, many times I’ve referenced conversations with them and have described huffs, smirks, reactions, expressions. And as I’ve mentioned, I understand exactly how crazy this sounds to someone who hasn’t had direct communication with a deity. So I figured I’d try to explain how I talk with the gods. How do I know what they want? How do I know what they’re saying? How do I know who’s there, who’s saying what? HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT CRAZY?

I assure you my medical records clear me of any kind of insanity, but I suppose there’s really no proving that last point. But I guarantee you that while I’m not being particularly hyperbolic when I write of what they say, I’m absolutely not hallucinating/hearing disembodied voices/seeing people who aren’t there. The vast majority of my direct communication with the gods is based on very distinct impressions I get, thoughts that are pretty easy to discern from my own. It should go without saying that I’m not constantly surrounded by gods or beings, they’re usually not here – they’ve got much better things to do than hover over me. So when one of them does come creeping around, there’s a noticeable shift in the air around me. Again, it’s not a physical sensation, more just sensing a change in energy. Have you ever been alone in a room and known when someone else comes into that space, even if your back is to the door and they don’t make a noise when they come in? Felt someone come up to you when your eyes are closed? You don’t see anyone approach, but you sense it. You know there’s another person in the vicinity. Same with the gods. That’s the kind of energy shift I feel. It’s just a sudden awareness that I’m not alone at my desk, or in the car, or wherever. And I can tell who is there based on the kind of energy I’m feeling. Freyja gives off a very different impression than Thorr, and Odhinn’s a different sensation than Sigyn. Because I’ve worked with the gods for so long, it’s easy to tell them apart if one of them crosses my path.

As far as the communication itself. . . that’s harder to describe. The lines I’ve quoted above? Those are actual words spoken to me by Odhinn and Loki, even though I didn’t hear them, per se. I’ve seen other spiritual folks describe having a “godphone,” kind of a tuned-in ability to speak directly with the gods and hear their responses. I don’t particularly care for that term; I hate talking on the phone. And it makes it sound like it’s a special talent/asset that not everyone has. I’m no different than anyone else on this planet. I’m not “chosen” or “special” or psychic or psycho, I just devote a lot of time and energy to the gods. I pay attention. Well, sometimes I pay attention. I’m better at paying attention now than I was pre-ECT. Getting cracked on the head with Cosmic Clue-by-4s can be painful, so I consider that experience a lesson very well learned.

In any case, how do I know what they’re saying to me? Okay. So. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but when I’m thinking my own thoughts, the thoughts are just kind of happening in my entire head. My thought-voice sounds/feels the same as it always has. And often when I think, it’s very wordy, not a lot of imagery or pictures involved. When a god speaks, it’s like a thought that’s been planted in my head, but it’s not my thought. The thought-voice is quieter, has a different tone, and it feels like it comes from the lower side of my brain, by an ear. Does that make sense? My thoughts feel like they sound/happen in my whole brain, but a god-thought is like a little sidekick creeping onto my shoulder and whispering in my ear, except there’s no sound coming in through my ear, the thought is just there in the lower corner of my brain.

I don’t know if this is making sense or just making me sound crazier than usual.

In addition to the “voice” being quieter and localized, I often get little daydream-like glimpses of stuff in my mind to go along with the “words.” That’s how I get the “smirks” and “huffs” and other nonsense. It’s also sensed with the energy I’m feeling from them. Loki’s a pretty dramatic little bugger, moreso than anyone else who’s visited. He’s a little more. . . expressive. Odhinn’s more stoic and still, Sigyn’s calm and chill. Loki’s got the manic, joyful energy of a puppy most of the time. He can be a little exhausting to have around. He’s also the most frequent visitor, for lack of a better term. He always has been, and especially now. I’m fine with that; as I’ve said before, he’s good company and his presence has always been comforting despite his frenetic energy. He’s not a daily presence, but he taps me on the head with faithful regularity, even if it’s just a gleeful cackle when I’m attacking a sharp corner on a windy mountain road in my GTI.

So that’s all there is to it. I’m not “hearing” their words, I’m not seeing something materialize before me. But I know what’s being conveyed, which is how I can quote them when I write about them. I’m pretty sure I’m not making any of it up, because they’re much kinder when they talk to me than when I talk to myself. And they hit me with stuff I’d never come up with on my own. They’re far more clever than I.

Because my relationship with them is so direct, the “conversation” often feels natural, no different from the way I’d speak to my friends or family. The closer I am to a deity, the more casual our communication. I often joke with my friends that I’m emotionally stunted, so the more I tease or make fun of them, the more it means I like them. If I don’t joke around with you, I’m just not that fond of you. Or I don’t know you well enough to let my natural smartassery shine. It’s just the same with the gods. I’m respectful of the ones I’m not particularly close with, such as Tyr or Frigga, and I’m an unholy terror with Loki and Odhinn. Frankly, I’m amazed the latter hasn’t set a flock of ravens upon me to eat me alive. I’ve been known to shake my fist at the sky during ritual while addressing him as “You Old One Eyed BASTARD!”

You don’t even want to know how I talk to Loki. I like him a lot. He’s the one with whom I’m closest, obviously. If someone were to overhear the way I talk to Himself, they’d probably think I hate him with the passion of a thousand rabid ferrets. I harass him the way a 5-year-old boy will tease a girl he likes until she cries. Half of my exchanges with him are the equivalent of putting a frog down his shirt. And he shimmies that frog out of his shirt and chases me around the playground with it until someone yells at us for being idiots.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.