It’s Loki Day, Bitches. Take a Sticker.

Like others who are passionate about Tricksters in mythology and religion, April Fool’s Day is my High Holy Day. So much so, that I always want to schedule the day off for observance, but can’t because I’ve usually been out sick around that time (don’t get me started on seasonal allergies, or the surgeries I’ve had the last few years). This year, of course, I was away for a week traipsing around Iceland, though PA has welcomed me back with sinus issues of a truly hellish nature. I of course am doubling down on my constant complaints that I’m allergic to PA and should move to Reykjavik.

Anyway, I made an offering to Loki this morning as I headed out to work, and upon our arrival, my coworker/friend/co-conspirator surprised me with a packet of chibi fox stickers she’d ordered from Wish. Thus, a new tradition began: I laid them out all nicely on a black background and every colleague to walk past my desk was greeted with a chipper, “Happy Loki Day! Would you like to celebrate with a fox sticker in honor of the Trickster?” Poster child for professionalism in the workplace: that’s me!

Just about everyone eagerly perused and selected a cute little fox that resonated with them, and dorkery abounded (despite the alarming gagging coughing fits I had thanks to my stupid sinuses). That is, just about everyone partook…except for one colleague. He didn’t reject the offer because he thought it was stupid, but because, as he explained with a wry laugh, he “didn’t think it was safe” to draw Loki out like that. I’ll give him props for his caution, he knows what I’m about. When he’d first started at our workplace, we’d been joking about how to out-crazy management. I’d boasted that no one out-crazies me there, and he was all, “challenge accepted” until I announced that I’m a Lokian. “Ooooh,” he said. “Shit. You win.” That’s the exact moment he won my respect. I mean, sure, he’s a former Marine and shit, but his apparent understanding of what a Lokian is cinched his spot as one of my favorite coworkers. Sometimes it’s nice to not have to explain.

Of course, I wasn’t about to let his fear of bad karma slide today. After all, I countered, the bad karma comes by rejecting the fox stickers! He noped on out and retreated back to his work station. I looked over the remaining stickers, grabbed one, and marched on back to his desk. “You’re a coward, so you get the fox crying on the floor,” I announced between hacking and sneezing. Clearly, this is the kind of bullshit that cinches my spot as a favorite coworker by everyone. I’m an eternal ray of fucking sunshine and awesome. “LOKI DAY! *sniff sniff wheeze* TAKE A CHIBI FOX STICKER! *hack cough sneeze* YOU GET THE SOBBING FOX, YOU COWARD! *cough cough gag*” Then I pointed at his manager and barked at him to come pick out a Loki Day fox sticker. He complied with a lot more glee and enthusiasm than his cohort. Probably because he was afraid I’d direct my mucousy ire on him if he didn’t. But hey, free fox stickers. Just trying to spread/force a little Lokian cheer around for the holiday. REVEL AND DELIGHT, YOU BASTARDS!

I held out as long as I could at work, but I just couldn’t survive the last hour. After confirming with Statler/Provider of Chibi Fox Stickers that she could cover for me, I left a note on my manager’s desk informing him that I was “going home to die a slow, painful death.” I only left a note because he was nowhere to be found; he was almost certainly hiding from the half-crazed fiend choking on her own snot/sticker-welding maniac wheezing around his department. Smart man, my manager. I should have saved the “fox crying on the floor” sticker for the note and instead flung a heart-eyed fox sticker at the other guy while screeching, “DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE TRICKSTER! LOKI LOVES YOU!” Hindsight and all that.

Clearly, I’m an amazing asset to the workplace, and they’ll miss me when I run away back to Iceland. It’s hard to replace this level of crazy. There’s a few there who come close, but, well, you know. There’s a reason the saying “crazy like a fox” has stood the test of time.

And I wonder why Lokians get so much sideye.

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